Saturday, September 25, 2010

At last the Pity Party is Over!

Hello and please forgive me for my absence. I hadn't planned on being away from the blog all summer but I found myself with no spark to even start a decent blog post. I blame it all on the pity party I was having for myself; the pity party that zapped all of my creative juices. You see I have not had an extended pity party before, maybe one that lasted a day or two, but not one that took up 3 months time!!

So, how and why did this pity party begin? Well first you need to understand that our family is pretty low key. We do our work, help each other out, help others out when they need, and we don't ask for much (if anything) in return. We are pretty predictable and faithful in our work. We do not make a lot of noise, live in a lot of drama or clamour for attention. But this summer we were blindsided, two times, and I found myself wanting some ATTENTION! But, alas, since we are so self sufficient and pretty much backwards at knowing how to attract attention.....we got very little. And this fueled my pity party!!

The first blindside happened with Anna's gymnastic team. I'll spare the long details of this situation but it was a situation that hurt Anna and our family and we had no involvement in the issue or decisions. We were just the innocent (blindsided) ones left behind to pick up the pieces. And watch the others' drama get ALL of the attention. That just ground my gears!! And began my pity party!! I was angry and I had Anna as my anger partner. At least I wasn't going through this myself!! Its nice to have a pity party buddy in times like this! But that didn't last long......Anna asked me shortly after the incident why some people tend to get all of the attention when things like this happen, and we, the Gortners do not. I think I said something sarcastic about learning to become drama queens and Anna replied that if it meant plastering drama all over Facebook it was just a waste of her time.....and that ended it for her!! I, on the other hand, thought long and hard about the Facebook idea!! And though I didn't follow through with that, I still held on tightly to having my pity party!

Our next blindside, and definitely the hardest to handle , was Bethany being diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. This, my friends, has been tough. She had just graduated with a BSN and was commissioned as a second lieutenant in the US Army and was ready to start her adult life and this happened. And with this diagnosis a whole host of other issues cropped up. The army has put her on hold while they decide what do with her and her disease (pity party fuel); insurance is refusing to cover the medications (more pity party fuel); and now, she is forced to look for a nursing position eventhough she had one secured with the army (more anger to fuel my pity party)!! Attention!! Hey, we needed some attention here! If there ever was Drama in the Gortner household.....this is it! Does anyone notice us?

Well, Someone has been noticing us all summer....... giving me and my family attention all summer. But I was too busy fueling my pity party to accept the attention. Fortunateley, just a couple of Saturdays ago, our pastor spoke on the triumphs of faithfulness. The attributes of pounding the same nail and knowing that God honors that committment to Him even though others might not notice or find our committment worthy of attention. During that sermon, my pity party started to weaken. By the time I left was pretty much nonexistent and I had this overwhelming feeling that Someone was paying attention to ME! Even though there was not a lot of fanfare or drama....I felt the attention!!

I talked about being blindsided twice this summer. Well acutally after church that Saturday...I was blindsided the third time!! Then a few days later...blindsided again...when Anna told me she is happier at gym than she has ever been!! Blindsided for the fifth time just a few days ago. Bethany's doctor's office let us know that they found a way for her medicine to be provided to her!!!

So....I am done wasting my time having pity parties!! They just get in the way of all of the attention that God is sending my way!!